I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
