R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
