She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
