he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
