I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
