and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
