my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he told me I talked like a deaf person
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Damn victory sex feels great
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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