She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
