i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
