well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
