i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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