I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
