Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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