Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
