please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
