fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
