There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All I want is dick and wine.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
