Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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