I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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