they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I will pee on everything he values.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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