Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
