Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
