i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
