apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
