my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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