He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
