Grow some girl-balls and come out already
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
