You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize