paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
