Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
