it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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