It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
