Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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