Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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