never play flip cup with pint glasses
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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