he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
