You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
