People with herpes should wear stickers.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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