I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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