i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize