P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
