Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
