I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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