She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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