He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
