Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
