would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
