Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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