there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize