Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
