I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
