new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
