Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
