guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
