So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
