Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
