You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
