bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
