I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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