thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
