So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
