This is not my ceiling
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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