Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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