she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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