If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
